If I have only a smidgen of wisdom to pass on to the younger generation, it is to recognize that life is a series of choices. Everything we do, every path we follow is a choice. And, every choice has a consequence. Some insignificant. Some life-altering.
INSTANT GRATIFICATION VERSUS LONG-TERM RAMIFICATIONS
“The obsession with instant gratification blinds us from our long-term potential” —Mike Dooley
Important decisions require thoughtful consideration. Some people opt for immediate gratification without thinking about the ramifications. This can be detrimental in the long term. Contemplating long-term versus short-term affects are vital to consider.
Let’s assume John Doughy won the big $250,000 lottery. Should he buy an expensive car? Go on a lavish vacation? Quit his job and live on that money for a year or two? His choice could offer him fun and/or the opportunity to be a beach bum for a while. Sounds inviting, yeah? But, might it be a better choice to put that money to work for him by investing, or in the very least place it in a savings account? One never knows what the future holds.
Studies have been made on self-control and long-term success. One of the best-known studies was made in the 1960s by Walter Mischel, PhD, a psychologist currently at Columbia University. This study has become commonly known as the “Marshmallow Test.”
The test was the groundwork for the study of self-control in adults. You can read more detail at this link. In the original test, a child was presented with two choices. Enjoy one treat immediately or wait 20 minutes and enjoy two treats. Decades later, these same subjects were tested to demonstrate their self-control as adults. Interestingly, maybe not surprising, what they found were the children who were tempted years ago and opted for the immediate gratification performed poorly on self-control as adults. People who can master willpower are generally more successful than those that cannot.
Self-control and patience will always be the better avenue to take when it comes to those significant decisions to be made. We must take the time to think about how our choices will affect us in the future. Patience and planning will help us make positive, informed choices.
CONSEQUENCES
“You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.” —Ezra Taft Benson
Every, single, solitary decision we make is a choice. And, every choice we make has a consequence. This could be as simple as choosing to play hooky from class or work with a consequence of missing out on something fun; or something important. Conversely, the outcome could be more impactful with negative consequences, such as getting suspended or fired.
The importance of considering potential outcomes of our choices will (or should) help us make the better decision. Decision-making should be a thoughtful, thorough process.
John Doughy hastily decided to spend a big chunk of that lottery money right away. Tsk tsk. He gathered six of his friends and treated them to a two-week trip to a beach resort. His dream of having fun and becoming a beach bum, even if just for a couple of weeks, has been realized. John starts divvying out the bucks to his buds. $500 for him. $1000 for her. “Go have fun, ya’ll, and we’ll meet up tomorrow morning for breakfast.” This made him feel like the big dog among his friends.
One friend took his portion of the money to the local bar and drank, danced and performed karaoke long into the night. Oh, what fun he had. Inebriated, he made the bad decision to drive at 0-dark-thirty. He ended up driving the wrong way on the freeway which resulted in a DUI and a long stay in the hospital. Another friend decided to go shopping by herself in this town in which she knew no one. She met a man; a charming man who sweet-talked her into going to grab some food. John never saw her again. But, the local police did. Her body was found in a ditch on the side of a dark, deserted road. Now, John lives with that for the rest of his life.
REGRETS
“Life is about choices. Some we regret, some we’re proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message: we are what we chose to be.” —Graham Brown
I always say that nothing haunts me in life except regret. A few choices I’ve made in life haunt me, literally. I have nightmares and bad dreams about choices made that I’ve lived to regret. Regret is a powerful emotion.
Can regret be good for us? Maybe…if the regret is realized as a lesson learned. We learn from our failures and from our mistakes.
But that feeling of overwhelming doom and gloom from the “coulda, shouldas” of bad choices can throw some into a depression.
What can we do to overcome this emotion called regret?
- Psychologist Neal Roese, a professor of marketing at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, published an article on the study of negative emotions and how to use them. He suggests that regret can be a positive influence on future behaviors. In his research, he discovered that some people can place past choices into context, which helps them to change their decision-making processes. This is a positive aspect to regret.
- Another way to overcome regret is to shift your mindset. In other words, move on. Re-channel your energy to more positive actions. For example, if one regrets not taking certain courses during their education phase…take it or any other course of interest now. The point is to switch the mindset from the past to the present.
- Personally, I am a huge advocate of journaling. Getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper helps to reduce that feeling of overwhelming regret. This helps to put the bad choice that I made into context. There may not be anything that can be done about the past. But, fully vetting the choice can help future decision-making.
FINAL THOUGHTS
“The greatest power that a person possesses is the power to choose.” – J. Martin Kohe
We must choose to take responsibility for the choices we make in our lives. The consequences of our decisions can be life-altering. We must be patient and give ourselves the time to contemplate our choices. When we research and arm ourselves with information and all possible paths, we can achieve long-term success, happiness and make good decisions. This is powerful.
We might heed the advice of young, successful Taylor Swift. Her message is admirable.
“Live your life like you’re 80 looking back on your teenager years. You know… if your dad calls you at eight in the morning and asks if you want to go out for breakfast. As a teenager you’re like no, I want to sleep. But as an eighty year old looking back you have that breakfast with your dad. It’s just little things like that, that helped me when I was a teenager, in terms of making choices you won’t regret.” – Taylor Swift