Throughout this journey called life, we are all a work in progress. In order to live the most fulfilling life possible, we’re continuously learning and developing our intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is described as the ability to identify one’s own emotions as well as the emotions of others. An emotionally intelligent person can identify and manage a range of emotional signals from within as well as from other people. The five areas of EI as described by Psychologist Daniel Goleman, Ph.D. are:
- Self-awareness
- Managing emotions
- Self-motivation
- Empathy
- Handling relationships
“Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. ~Horace Walpole”
People have two minds that work independently of each other. One that thinks and one that feels. Watch this video produced by “Big Think” to hear Daniel Goleman expand his theories of EI.
Empathy is a key predictor of Emotional Intelligence. Empathy gives one the ability to sense other people’s emotions; to see their perspective. Employers want people who are empathetic. These emotionally intelligent people make the best leaders. Luckily, we can develop our EI.
How do we develop our own Emotional Intelligence? We take the time to figure out what our EI strengths are. Ask yourself these questions:
- How do people perceive me?
- What skills do I possess when it comes to interacting with others?
- Can I read a room?
- What skills could I develop in these areas?
The best way to know how people perceive you is to ask. Feedback is currency for emotional intelligence. Collect feedback from people in your network: colleagues, friends, family. Be open-minded about the feedback. Don’t be offended and don’t fear what you hear. Embracing the feedback will help you to determine how best to change your approach with your relationships. Gathering another perspective is always helpful. The more feedback you get, the better you’ll understand where to adjust so that you can develop or enhance your EI.
Can you identify your skills when it comes to interacting with others? Are you empathetic? Are you a good listener? Can you refrain from judging others? If you answered “no” to these questions, you’ll want to take the time to develop emotional intelligence.
Reading the room is paying close attention to the people in the room. Not just paying attention to the words being said–this is only half the picture. Pay attention to who is standing, sitting, smiling and how much space is between people. Facial expressions, postures and body language gives you the information you need to read the room. This Harvard Business Review article offers more tips for reading the room before participating in a meeting or presentation.
In order to develop empathy, you will imagine how the other person may feel during a conversation. Ask the person questions about the topic of discussion and listen intently. Offer support by saying, “I imagine that could make you feel…” This helps the other person realize you do understand how they may feel. Be careful not to agree with everything the person says–this could be annoying. When you have developed empathy and listening skills, you will ultimately get a better understanding of how people think and feel.
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. ~Ernest Hemingway
Improve your communication skills. Communication is reciprocal. When having a conversation with someone you are gathering information as well as providing information. Body language and tone of voice speaks volumes. The key to effective communication is listening. Focus on the key message and how it is delivered. Focusing on intent boosts confidence and the ability to connect with the intent behind the message. It also allows you to be flexible. Think about how the other person perceives the message. Match tone and body language for effective connections.
Making authentic connections is another way we develop empathy and emotional intelligence. Each of us has our own strengths in forming healthy relationships. We must be flexible in connecting with people in order to gain trust and enhance the bond. To successfully manage relationships and to develop EI, we clearly communicate, listen closely and ensure people feel comfortable.
Emotional Intelligence is critical in the workplace. Team success is not determined by the IQ of the team members, but by their emotional intelligence. Executive hiring managers look at EQ more so than IQ.
Empathy is one of our greatest tools of business that is most underused. ~ Daniel Lubetzky
Difficult situations. We can have a subjective view when involved directly with difficult conversations or situations. In order to handle the difficulty, we must learn to slow down and step back to think about it objectively. Don’t react immediately. Try these tips before reacting:
- Breathe deeply to give your body a chance to recover
- Challenge your thoughts and feelings
- Choose how best to respond
- Describe the situation as if you are a bystander
- Think about consequences
This disruption helps to look at the situation in a different point of view. And helps to find better solutions to difficult interactions.
Practice some of these tips with a conscious effort to enhance or develop your Emotional Intelligence. Set a plan by defining three areas to improve your EI. If you want to see a change or enhance your skills, you need to commit to making it happen.
In conclusion. Once you enhance your emotional intelligence, you’ll not only see a positive impact on your working life, but also your personal life. Boosting or developing your emotional intelligence will offer better decision making, greater career success, happiness and relationship satisfaction.