I got up to take the boys outside for their last business trip of the night. I walked into the living room with one them, Bruder, by my side. Jake, our other German Shepherd dog was sound asleep on the cool tile. My husband, Rick, was on the couch sleeping soundly.
On the floor, just three feet from Jake was a Copperhead snake!
Calmly, I held my arm in front of Bruder (the universal gesture) to keep him from walking ahead. I called out to my sleeping husband who wasn’t budging. I called out loud enough to wake Rip Van Winkle and he bolted up off the couch like he was ready to take on an intruder. Well, in fact, he was.
He took a few hops towards the snake, not realizing yet what was happening. I said as calmly as possible, “Don’t move any closer.” I asked him to go get the dog collars so I could have better control of the boys. But, it wasn’t necessary. At that point, both of them saw the intruder and had no intention of moving anywhere.
Rick, still groggy, grabbed a broom and made his way back to us, in perfect timing. That snake started slithering right towards Jake who was still laying down but watching it. Our hero with his broom-sword reached it in time to sweep it away. At that point, the poor snake wanted to get the hell away from this scene just as much as we wanted it away from us.
Rick swept the snake outside on the back porch and shut the door. Relieved that it was at least outside the house, I released the dogs. Now what? I shut the doggie door to keep them inside. Rick and I went outside to see where Mr. Snake was. We watched him slither up behind the Hardiplank. He was now up behind the siding hiding from the crazy humans. Can you blame him?
I started talking about how he probably had a family up inside there, half-hardheartedly joking about how there are probably hundreds of young snakelings up in there. Rick didn’t find the humor in that at all. Weird.
Anyway, we stood there for about five minutes wondering what, if anything, we should do. There was nothing we could do at that point. So, we went inside the house to determine where the little slitherer came in. There was an opening at the bottom of the french doors. Rick plugged up the hole, then stood at the window, with his broom-sword waiting for his nemesis to show his slimy self.
Realizing that there was nothing more to do, we decided to go to bed. But, I just HAD to peek out the back door window to have one last look. Yep, Mr. Snake was peeking his head out from under the siding wondering if it was safe to leave his Hardiplank haven. The snake and I watched each other. Snakes are pretty smart, evidently. At that point, Rick and I felt if we were patient enough, Mr. Snake would start venturing out.
While I was still watching the snake, Rick walked into the closet. I turned around a moment later and saw him looking oh, so mighty. He was holding his broom-sword in one hand, his other hand on his hip, donned in his tighty whiteys and steel-toed boots…ready for battle. My hero.
About 11:15 pm, the intruder decided he was going to leave his safe Hardiplank haven and make his escape. Dressed for battle, Rick walked back outside and used his broom-sword to maneuver the snake away from the house. I encouraged sparing the intruder’s life and asked that he merely catapult the snake over the fence to live another day. I ran to get a net to help with that endeavor.
Alas, by the time I had returned, it was too late. My tighty whitey warrior had already wielded his sword and taken down his nemesis with no mercy. He was carrying the dead from the porch over to the fence.
With the snake on the end of his broom-sword, he tossed it with all his might with the intent of tossing it over the seven-foot fence.
Almost. But, not quite. The snake hung high from a tree branch. On our side of the fence.
Rick realized he now needed that net I suggested earlier to reach the snake which hung high in the tree on our side of the fence. Standing on his steel-toed tippy toes in only his tighty whiteys, he retrieved the dead thing to attempt one more time to catapult it over the fence. This time successful.